Millennial Managers Granted New 'Existential Crisis' Leave Policy

In a truly bold, some might say ‘unprecedented,’ move, corporate HR has officially recognized the legitimate claim of the ‘existential crisis.’ Millennial managers, it seems, have sufficiently demonstrated a pressing need for a formal sabbatical to ponder the void, now enshrined in the new 'Existential Crisis Leave' policy. Human Resources departments are reportedly celebrating their progressive foresight.

No longer will mid-level professionals need to feign illness to address the crushing weight of their own insignificance. This enlightened benefit acknowledges that relentless pursuit of Key Performance Indicators, coupled with subtle dread, manifests as unsettling physical symptoms. Reports of unexplained chest pains leading to frantic Emergency Department visits can now be replaced with a quiet week of mandatory introspection.

The policy includes a mandatory post-leave 'Purpose Re-Alignment' seminar, ensuring that once employees have thoroughly contemplated the cosmic indifference to their spreadsheets, they are re-engaged with maximum efficiency. Truly, a testament to how modern enterprise addresses the deepest dilemmas of the human spirit: with a dedicated form and a brief, paid reprieve from reality.