Merriam-webster To Redefine 'loss' As 'trump-adjacent Event'

The venerable institution of Merriam-Webster is reportedly grappling with a linguistic crisis, necessitating a drastic redefinition of the humble word ‘loss.’ Sources close to the lexicographical front lines indicate that the sheer, unprecedented volume of outcomes associated with Donald Trump has rendered the current definition woefully inadequate.

Henceforth, ‘loss’ may be officially designated as a ‘Trump-adjacent event,’ a descriptor designed to encapsulate the unique frequency and often spectacular nature of these occurrences, particularly within legal proceedings. This monumental shift promises to ease the burden on future historians and contemporary journalists alike, who have long struggled to accurately quantify the former president's various setbacks without resorting to increasingly colourful, yet ultimately redundant, synonyms. One can only imagine the strain on lexicographers tasked with ensuring the English language accurately reflects reality, no matter how repetitive.