MONOWAVE: Finally, Puzzles Solved By Feeling Exactly Nothing

The latest revelation from the ever-innovative video game industry promises a revolutionary approach to digital escapism. Forget nuanced storytelling or complex character arcs; the upcoming title, MONOWAVE, ingeniously redefines the very essence of human emotions. Players, apparently, will now leverage their character's "emotions" – likely presented as a convenient toolbar of quantifiable states – to navigate obstacles.

Imagine the thrill of transforming existential dread into a double jump, or weaponizing mild ennui for a timed puzzle. This masterful simplification of emotional intelligence into a mere gameplay mechanic finally offers the weary player what they truly desire: the ability to bypass messy feelings in favor of perfectly optimized progress. Who needs genuine empathy when you have a togglable 'anger' stat to open a stubbornly locked door? This isn't just a puzzle platformer; it's a triumph of reductionism, preparing us for a future where inconvenient sentiment can be precisely calibrated for maximum utility.