MI6 Prioritizes VPN Skills Over Tuxedos For New Russian Agents

The venerable MI6, bastion of Savile Row suits and perfectly timed quips, has apparently decided that the future of international intrigue lies not in car chases but in the nuanced art of subscription management. Their latest recruitment drive, bafflingly public for a clandestine organization, seeks new talent not in shadowy back alleys, but on the Dark Web.

Specifically, they're looking for Russian citizens, which one might assume would be a conflict of interest, but apparently, geopolitical boundaries are less important than knowing your way around a port forwarding setting. Forget the martinis; the new spy's weapon of choice is a robust VPN.

One can only imagine the new agent profile: "Proficient in obfuscating IP addresses; capable of bypassing regional content restrictions; fluent in navigating torrent sites without inadvertently downloading malware." The days of decoding encrypted messages seem quaint when the primary intelligence gathering involves watching state-sponsored cat videos from an untraceable server farm. The traditional "license to kill" has been quietly updated to a "subscription to a premium server network."