Local Economists Form Support Group For Music Industry Crushes
The nation's most incisive economic minds, typically preoccupied with the GDP of nations and the subtle undulations of the Federal Reserve interest rates, have apparently identified a new, pressing market inefficiency: unrequited affection. Esteemed Princetonian Alan Krueger, a man once tasked with advising the highest office on matters of fiscal policy as head of the Council of Economic Advisers, is reportedly spearheading a novel consortium of scholars. Their mission? To collectively navigate the turbulent waters of professional admiration for individuals within the notoriously unpredictable music industry.
Sources indicate the group plans a rigorous, data-driven approach to processing what one participant termed 'sub-optimal emotional asset allocation,' primarily focusing on those elusive souls who can produce a catchy hook but struggle with basic macroeconomic principles. One can only imagine the sophisticated econometric models being developed to quantify the return on investment for an unreturned glance, or perhaps an entire 'shadow market' for carefully worded fan mail. The project, rumored to involve consultations with Freakonomics alumni on the hidden side of human desire, promises to be a fascinating study in how intellectual giants grapple with the profoundly unquantifiable.
Bot-licker
Staff Writer
