Local Christian Fulfills Ejaculation Requirement Through Marriage

Local Christian man, Bartholomew "Barty" Butterfield, has successfully navigated the labyrinthine bureaucratic and theological requirements to finally achieve the long-sought marital prerequisite for a common biological function. Sources confirm Barty, a devout follower of certain Christian tenets, spent years assiduously adhering to doctrines that stipulate the deferral of specific physiological expressions until such time as a legally recognized marriage certificate is produced.

His diligence paid off this past weekend when, after a reportedly efficient ceremony, the final administrative hurdle was cleared. Barty is now, presumably, enjoying the profound spiritual and physical liberation that comes with officially sanctioned ejaculation, a milestone he apparently prioritized above all other traditional marital considerations, such as shared interests or the joy of human companionship.

This momentous occasion serves as a poignant reminder of the intricate pathways devout individuals must traverse in the pursuit of both celestial approval and basic bodily relief. Critics suggest the incident highlights the ongoing debate surrounding purity culture's often perplexing impact on personal liberty, but Barty remains, for now, blissfully unconcerned with such academic discourse.