Kershaw's Final Home Start: Man Throws Ball, Many Observe

Reports from the western seaboard confirm that a human male, identified as Clayton Kershaw, recently concluded a series of pre-arranged spherical object propulsion exercises. This highly anticipated event, which involved throwing a ball across a patch of manicured grass for the Dodgers, was widely heralded as his 'final' performance in a specific stadium before embarking on the next phase of his financially secure existence.

Eyewitnesses recounted scenes of unbridled public sentimentality, as thousands gathered to observe this athletic display. The man, a professional pitcher, now enters a period often referred to as retirement, a concept typically reserved for those who have toiled in less glamorous, more physically demanding fields. One can only imagine the burden of leaving behind such a grueling career, replete with multi-million dollar contracts and adoring throngs.