Judge Dismisses Trump's $15B Suit, Cites Lack Of Gold Leaf

The esteemed legal system, in its infinite capacity for procedural leniency, has apparently granted former President Donald Trump a mulligan on his recent $15 billion defamation suit. A presiding judge, presumably overwhelmed by the sheer audacity of the sum, rather than any actual legal deficiency, deemed the initial filing against The New York Times and Penguin Random House unsuitable. One can only speculate if the papers lacked a certain… *gravitas*, perhaps a gilded edge or an embossed seal of presidential approval, to truly capture the essence of such monumental injury.

The original article (or rather, the judge's assessment) was evidently found wanting in the required degree of theatrical flourish necessary to justify an amount that could single-handedly fund several small nations. Mr. Trump's legal team now has a generous 28 days to repackage their grievance, presumably with added sparkle and perhaps a bold, all-caps font, to better articulate the purported damage. It seems even in jurisprudence, some complaints merely require a more persuasive marketing strategy rather than a fundamentally sound legal basis.