Herbert Dismantles Raiders Defense With Tiny Tweezers

Sources close to the Raiders' beleaguered coaching staff confirm that Justin Herbert employed a novel, almost artisanal, approach to Sunday night's defensive deconstruction. Reports suggest the Los Angeles Chargers quarterback forewent conventional passing, opting instead for a delicate, almost surgical, application of miniature implements. One could almost hear the faint *snip-snip* as he meticulously isolated weak points in the Las Vegas Raiders' seemingly pre-dismantled secondary.

While some pundits insist the Raiders' defense wasn't their *primary* issue – perhaps their uniform choices or choice of snack vendor ranking higher – Herbert’s precision work proved remarkably efficient. It seems less a heroic conquest and more an unchallenged tidying up, like a diligent janitor returning a misplaced contact lens to its bewildered owner. One could argue the Raiders' defensive strategy in the NFL involved patiently holding still, perhaps even offering a small "thank you" for the methodical extraction of their defensive dignity.