Government Declares 'The Vibes' New Critical Infrastructure

In a legislative move that has undoubtedly left taxpayers wondering if they're finally lucid, a federal agency has officially designated "The Vibes" as a new category of critical infrastructure. This groundbreaking redefinition, a stark departure from the traditional purview of bridges and clean water, posits that the collective emotional atmosphere of the nation is now as foundational as a functioning power grid. The newly established Office of Emotional Resonance Management is reportedly already scrambling to draft protocols for 'vibe-proofing' public spaces and ensuring optimal national 'mood flow.'

According to the agency's 400-page manifesto, "Good Vibes, Good Times: A Strategic Framework for Societal Ambiance," a dip in public morale can be as catastrophic to economic stability and national security as a cyberattack on a utility. Future allocations for public works projects are expected to include substantial funding for "Strategic Affective Upliftment Initiatives" and "Atmospheric Optimization Technicians." Citizens are now implicitly encouraged to maintain a federally approved disposition, lest their personal funk contribute to a nationwide infrastructure failure. One can only imagine the new "Vibe Check" stations at every border crossing.