Gen X Brains Declare Bankruptcy Due To Open Tabs

It appears the venerable gray matter of Gen X has finally buckled under the relentless weight of unchecked browser tabs. Reports suggest a widespread cognitive insolvency, where the mental processes once responsible for basic adulting – like remembering where one left the car keys or the plot of *Twin Peaks* – have been repossessed by an invisible digital overlord. This unprecedented brain-drain isn't a sudden affliction, but rather the logical culmination of a lifetime spent juggling societal expectations with an internet connection whose capacity for distraction far outstrips any mortal's executive function.

The diagnosis, often requiring a substantial co-pay and the services of a cognitive behavioral therapist (assuming one can remember the appointment), points squarely to a terminal case of 'too much information, not enough RAM.' One might call it the Silicon Valley paradox: infinite data, finite processing power. As these stalwarts of the middle years grapple with the existential dread of yet another unread email and the phantom vibration of a forgotten notification, perhaps the only solution is a factory reset – or at least a very long, very silent nap.