Gearbox Confirms Borderlands 4 Performs 'Exactly As Intended'

Reports of *Borderlands 4* exhibiting frame rates typically associated with a particularly ambitious flip-book have been met with a stoic defense from developer Gearbox. Apparently, the digital molasses many PC gaming enthusiasts are experiencing is not, in fact, an issue, but rather a meticulously crafted feature, performing "exactly as intended."

Sources close to the development cycle, or perhaps just a particularly enthusiastic intern, suggest that the erratic performance is a revolutionary step in "dynamic atmospheric fidelity." Each stutter is an artisanal, hand-placed pause, designed to allow players to truly *savor* the exquisite detail of a loading texture or an enemy that materializes post-mortem. The official statement posits that players, accustomed to the mundane fluidity of traditional games, simply lack the discerning eye to appreciate this innovative approach.

One might even speculate that the frequent crashes, noted extensively on Steam, are an advanced form of "permadeath" for one's save file, an extreme roguelike element integrated directly into the core engine. Clearly, the community’s "overwhelmingly negative" reviews for Borderlands) are merely a testament to their inability to grasp true artistic genius.