Experts Warn Crypto's Death Could Still Get Much Worse

It appears the digital assets market, much like a particularly resilient houseplant left unattended in a forgotten corner, is once again teetering on the precipice of an even deeper, more profound state of non-existence. While the pronouncements of Cryptocurrency's demise have become so frequent they're practically a seasonal celebration for the financially cynical, new warnings suggest we've merely been observing its graceful, albeit prolonged, terminal decline. Apparently, being "dead" wasn't quite bad enough.

Experts, whose previous predictions of crypto's final breath proved only *mostly* accurate, now suggest a future where the current malaise looks like a halcyon era. Picture not just a market crash, but a spiritual one, where even the memory of your carefully selected JPEGs might vanish into the ether, leaving only the faint scent of regret. The continued existence of Bitcoin at any value, it seems, is merely a delaying tactic for its true, much more elaborate, descent into oblivion. One must wonder if this new "worst" involves a dimension where investors are forced to personally apologize to their banks. The horror.