Crypto's 'Worst' Now Classified As Its Minimum Viable Product

It appears the digital assets known collectively as cryptocurrency have achieved a new milestone: their perpetual state of near-collapse has been officially re-designated as a "minimum viable product." Industry insiders, apparently immune to irony, now view the frequent pronouncements of crypto’s demise not as warnings, but as quaint, recurring anecdotes. This reclassification, some speculate, aims to manage public expectations down to a more attainable, subterranean level.

Indeed, the very elements once decried by critics – the spectacular crashes, the innovative new scams, the carbon footprint of a small nation-state – are now simply features, not bugs. One can almost hear the excited murmurings from developers: "We've finally hit our MVP! It crashes, it's environmentally disastrous, and it occasionally enables illicit transactions. Perfect!" It’s a testament to resilience, or perhaps selective amnesia, that the sector continues to evolve by embracing its most detrimental qualities as foundational. The folks over at 99Bitcoins must be updating their "dead coins" list with a new column: "MVP Status: Achieved."