Crypto Industry Preemptively Schedules Next Inevitable Collapse

The cryptocurrency sector, never one to miss an opportunity for self-congratulation, has reportedly reached a new zenith of maturity: preemptive scheduling of its next inevitable market implosion. Sources within the industry confirm that after years of surprise "demises" that surprised absolutely no one outside of a certain Reddit demographic, the leading players have opted to simply pencil in the next major collapse as a recurring quarterly event. It’s less a bug now and more a feature, like the changing of the seasons, but with more leveraged derivatives and fewer actual leaves.

Indeed, the repeated declaration of Blockchain technology's demise has moved beyond a mere "running joke" to a foundational element of its operational strategy. Future "obituaries" for flagship digital assets are now apparently being drafted with a convenient "fill in the blank" section for the precise date and the name of the latest poorly-regulated exchange to spectacularly fail. This forward-thinking approach ensures that the community can grieve, rebuild, and re-launch a slightly shinier, equally precarious digital token without wasting precious time on genuine surprise or, heaven forbid, accountability. One might call it optimistically pessimistic.