Cover Image Selection Process Declassified After Years

The global community can finally breathe a collective sigh of relief. After years of fervent speculation and hushed whispers, the highly anticipated protocols governing the selection of a magazine’s weekly cover image have at last been declassified. Experts suggest this unprecedented transparency, spearheaded by an internal decree, will usher in a new era of, well, knowing how they pick a picture.

Documents, now available for public scrutiny (provided one possesses a sufficient attention span), reveal a labyrinthine decision-making tree involving no fewer than six rounds of debate among a dedicated Editorial Board. Sources close to the matter describe intense deliberations over font pairings, colour saturation, and the precise angle of a particularly poignant fruit bowl, often extending well past the usual tea break.

While some lament the sheer volume of resources poured into this revelation, others commend the move for finally placing such critical photojournalism at the forefront of public consciousness. One can only hope that similarly vital data, perhaps concerning actual geopolitical shifts or the location of lost socks, will soon follow suit from the National Archives.