Consumers Just Want Brands To Quietly Exist, Study Finds

The latest intelligence from the hallowed halls of market research has delivered a truly astonishing insight: people, it turns out, just want their preferred brands to exist without the added existential baggage. A groundbreaking study reveals consumers are reportedly quite content for their morning coffee brand to simply *sell coffee*, rather than offer profound geopolitical commentary or weigh in on the latest cultural skirmish. The overwhelming sentiment? Less performative hand-wringing, more functional product delivery.

This earth-shattering discovery upends years of meticulously crafted Corporate Social Responsibility campaigns, suggesting that the average shopper, when faced with the dizzying array of choice, is less concerned with a corporation’s stance on Greenwashing than with whether their new widget actually, you know, widgets. The revolutionary implication for consumer behavior is clear: silence, it seems, is golden – or at least, preferable to a tone-deaf tweet.

The findings offer a stark, if sobering, reminder that perhaps not every entity selling artisanal kombucha needs a manifesto on social justice. Sometimes, a well-packaged product that performs as advertised is activist enough.