Commissioners Vote to Turn Entire County Into World Golf Village

The esteemed St. Johns County commissioners have, with a refreshing display of unity, decided the future lies firmly in the divot. In a move praised by exactly everyone who owns a putter, the entire geographic expanse of the county is slated for transformation into one monolithic World Golf Village. Residents, it is understood, will now enjoy the serene ambiance of perfectly manicured lawns from every window, and their morning commutes will be enhanced by the gentle whir of golf carts.

Environmental concerns were, of course, addressed with the solemn promise that all endangered species will be provided with regulation-size sand traps for their new habitats. The concept of "home" will evolve, naturally, to mean "a short walk from the 18th hole," ensuring that all citizens remain perpetually hydrated by the pervasive presence of water hazards. The county commissioners, in their collective wisdom, understand that the pursuit of golf offers unparalleled economic and spiritual prosperity for all. Critics, who inexplicably cling to quaint notions of diverse land use, will find themselves outvoted by a chorus of "fore!"