Coast Guard Analysts Still Puzzled By Swastika Imagery

It appears the tireless researchers at the U.S. Coast Guard have finally cracked the code, concluding that certain visual motifs, long associated with unspeakable atrocities and historical anguish, are indeed quite… hateful. After what sources describe as "intense deliberation" – and perhaps a timely glance at public opinion polls – the symbols in question, which for a brief, bewildering period were merely deemed "potentially divisive," have now achieved their rightful classification as "hate symbols." One can only imagine the sheer intellectual fortitude required to navigate such a nuanced distinction, a task that has historically proven rather straightforward for anyone who's ever opened a history book or, indeed, interacted with another human being.

This groundbreaking re-evaluation marks a pivotal moment for the organization, demonstrating a newfound commitment to understanding the subtle nuances of societal offense. Experts suggest that the next frontier for these intrepid analysts might involve determining whether, say, deliberately setting things on fire is actually "potentially warm" or, dare we say, a "fire hazard." The journey towards comprehending basic human decency, it seems, is a slow but steady one within certain federal institutions. Perhaps their next investigative deep-dive will tackle the Holocaust for further insights.