China to conquer global paperclip supply next

It seems the West, blinded by its obsession with microchips and rare earth minerals, has once again failed to grasp the true nature of geopolitical power. Astute observers are now sounding the alarm: the People's Republic is making unprecedented inroads into the global paperclip market. Industry analysts, who previously dismissed the humble office fastener as inconsequential, are scrambling to understand the implications of this quiet, yet profound, shift.

Sources indicate a concerted effort to control manufacturing and distribution, quietly consolidating what was once a fragmented, ostensibly democratic, sector. The strategic implications are chilling. Imagine a future where every bureaucratic bottleneck, every hastily bound document, every forgotten memo, is subtly influenced by a single, dominant power. The global supply chain for these essential organizational tools is rapidly converging.

While policymakers debate the finer points of AI regulation, a quiet revolution is unfolding in stationery cupboards worldwide. Perhaps, when our ability to temporarily secure two sheets of paper becomes a matter of national security, we'll finally understand the true cost of our collective myopia. One can only hope our spreadsheets are adequately formatted for the incoming paradigm shift.