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CEO: Kawhi's 'No-Show' Contract Was 'Extreme Flex Scheduling'

Sports
Sep 14, 2025
By Humanly Impossible

Kawhi's ghost bank job is pioneering "extreme flex scheduling."

The recent brouhaha regarding superstar Kawhi Leonard's lucrative agreement with a particular financial institution has, regrettably, been misinterpreted by some as something untoward. Far from being a "no-show" arrangement, as the less imaginative among us might suggest, it was, in fact, a pioneering example of "extreme flex scheduling." A former CEO, a man clearly versed in the intricate ballet of high finance and professional sports, has now clarified this crucial distinction.

One must appreciate the nuanced demands placed upon an athlete of Leonard's caliber, particularly when navigating the competitive landscape of the Los Angeles Clippers' aspirations under the meticulous eye of owner Steve Ballmer. To expect a man of his unique talents to consistently adhere to rigid public appearance schedules would be, frankly, an imposition. This innovative contract allowed for unparalleled efficiency, ensuring maximum brand exposure through... well, through his continued existence, presumably.

Indeed, the sophisticated mechanisms of modern endorsement deals, entirely distinct from the mundane concerns of the NBA salary cap, often require such visionary approaches. We wouldn't want to stifle creativity, would we? Especially not when there are millions involved.

H

Humanly Impossible

Staff Writer

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