Big Tech Announces Carbon Now Optional Via Opt-Out Form

In a move lauded by precisely no one outside their PR departments, the titans of Big Tech have unveiled their latest ingenious solution to the pesky problem of human-induced atmospheric destruction: an opt-out form for carbon emissions. Yes, you read that correctly. Apparently, the multi-trillion-dollar conglomerates have decided that carbon emissions are less a critical planetary threat and more an unwanted newsletter subscription you just haven't bothered to unsubscribe from yet.

Sources close to the development, presumably held at gunpoint, confirm that users will soon be prompted to 'manage their carbon preferences' via a pop-up appearing directly after their 17th consecutive binge-watch. The process is remarkably simple: just click 'No, thank you, I prefer a habitable planet,' and your digital footprint will, theoretically, evaporate into a cloud of sustainable goodwill. This miracle is powered by 'controversial carbon removal' technologies, the mechanics of which remain as opaque as the user agreement you clicked 'agree' on without reading.

This groundbreaking initiative promises to shift the burden of environmental stewardship from corporations and governments to the individual's ability to navigate a poorly designed UI, ensuring accountability is firmly placed where it always belongs: with the end-user. What could possibly go wrong?