iOS 26 Powerbeats To Track Your Blink Rate

In a truly monumental leap for human augmentation, the latest iteration of Powerbeats is set to revolutionize self-awareness, or at least, self-monitoring. Gone are the days when a simple glance in a mirror would suffice to gauge one's level of ocular fatigue. Thanks to forthcoming enhancements in iOS 26, these auditory accessories will now diligently log your blink rate, providing invaluable data for… well, presumably *something*.

One can only imagine the myriad ways this vital biometric data will enhance our lives. Perhaps a future update will categorize blinks by their emotional resonance, informing you that your ‘sarcastic’ blink count is dangerously high. Or perhaps Apple intends to create a global blink-rate leaderboard, allowing users to compete for the most efficient ocular moisture distribution. The possibilities for quantifying our very existence are, quite frankly, as endless as they are terrifyingly pointless.