Woman Confesses To Manually 'Steering' Congressional Votes

It appears the delicate dance of legislative progress, often attributed to spirited debate and the occasional grand compromise, has a far more direct, indeed almost physical, architect. Reports indicate a singular individual has been candidly manipulating the levers of Washington’s most intricate machinery, guiding the votes of elected officials with the precision of a seasoned puppeteer. This groundbreaking insight into the mechanics of governance clarifies precisely how a Biden administration could navigate a United States Congress apparently dead-set on ideological trench warfare, yet still emerge with a string of 'victories'.

Such a revelation puts a rather stark gloss on the concept of bipartisanship. One might have imagined a genuine meeting of minds, a laborious sifting through policy, but no. We are now to understand that these legislative triumphs are less the result of persuasive rhetoric and more the consequence of a diligent operative, presumably with an encyclopedic knowledge of pressure points, ensuring the right hands raise at the opportune moment. One shudders to think what other 'wins' might be achieved if she were given even more direct access to the voting apparatus itself. Perhaps a literal 'override' button for particularly stubborn caucuses.