Warlocks Confirm Bitcoin Liquidation Spikes Tied To Moon Cycle

The recent confirmation by our esteemed Warlocks that Bitcoin liquidation spikes are inextricably linked to lunar cycles, while initially surprising, merely contextualizes the market's enduring enigma. It seems the late-night gyrations, previously attributed to something as prosaic as "Asia-based trading hours," are in fact orchestrated by forces far older than the internet. Apparently, the celestial sphere is a more reliable indicator than, say, a central bank statement.

Indeed, the observed increase in market volatility) during weekends, often dismissed by mere mortals as a symptom of "low liquidity," can now be understood as prime time for these arcane influences. While the uninitiated might see a deserted trading floor, the enlightened understand that the ether is teeming with... transactions. It’s comforting, in a way, to know that the fate of your digital assets rests not with algorithmic traders, but with entities whose financial models predate quantitative easing by several millennia.