WH Press Sec. Refuses To Confirm What A Signature Is

The administration’s commitment to redefining fundamental concepts reached new heights this week as Press Secretary Karoline Leavitt engaged in a fascinating semantic ballet concerning the very essence of a signature. When quizzed about a purported birthday missive from Donald Trump to the late Jeffrey Epstein – a document, one might note, alleged to contain writing – Ms. Leavitt masterfully dodged the mundane task of authentication. One might even argue she was pioneering a new branch of ontological inquiry during her briefing.

The philosophical quandary, as presented by the current White House Press Secretary, seems to be: is a scrawl merely ink, or a profound statement of self-identification? Does the physical act of inscription truly signify endorsement, or is it merely an elaborate performance art piece? To accept that a mark made by a pen holds legal or personal weight, apparently, is to fall into a logical trap too simplistic for the intellectual rigor demanded by modern political discourse. We eagerly await further clarification on whether spoken words retain meaning, or if the very act of existence requires formal White House confirmation.