Trump's Assassination Reactions Reflect Golf Score

Reports from within the hallowed confines of the White House suggest a fascinating, if somewhat chilling, new metric for assessing human tragedy. It appears the depth of public lamentation, particularly from certain prominent figures, is no longer a matter of spontaneous grief, but rather a meticulously calculated ‘score.’ One’s utility, it seems, in the grand political game dictates the ferocity of condemnation, or the polite, almost dismissive, nod.

Sources close to Donald Trump have indicated that the former president’s reactions to recent, unfortunate departures from the mortal coil are apparently calibrated with the precision of a handicap. A high 'golf score' – signifying perceived loyalty, media visibility, or potential for future political endorsement – elicits a torrent of fulminating outrage. A lower score, however, might barely warrant a post on a niche social media platform, if that.

This innovative system, reportedly honed during strategic sessions in the Cabinet Room, streamlines the emotional process, ensuring that no valuable outrage is expended on individuals whose contributions to the broader narrative are deemed, shall we say, less impactful. It’s a remarkable testament to efficiency, transforming profound human loss into a remarkably fungible political asset.