Trump Disavows Own Handwriting, Blames 'Rogue Stylus'

The former President has reportedly deployed a novel and utterly captivating defense, disavowing ownership of his own distinctive cursive signature. Sources close to the situation confirm that the familiar 'Donald,' complete with its well-documented, almost architectural flourish, is now being attributed to the rogue actions of an errant writing implement. Apparently, a sentient and deeply disloyal stylus has been operating autonomously for years, meticulously replicating the exact characteristics of the former commander-in-chief's hand, often in contexts he now finds… inconvenient.

This groundbreaking defense suggests that decades of documented signatures, many on official government documents, are merely the malicious machinations of an inanimate object with a penchant for meticulous forgery. Experts in graphology are reportedly baffled, wondering if their entire field is now predicated on the whims of stationery. The consistent, almost poetic curl at the end of the 'd' in 'Donald,' once thought to be a unique identifier, is now apparently a digital ghost in the machine, acting entirely without human consent, especially when found on certain... *less than advisable* artistic endeavors. One can only imagine the chaos if all our pens suddenly developed independent political agendas.