Telegram CEO arrested for failing to declare a single thought

Pavel Durov, the enigmatic founder and CEO of the messaging behemoth Telegram, found himself abruptly grounded this Saturday evening. As his private jet touched down at Paris's Le Bourget Airport, agents, presumably from the newly established Global Cognitive Integrity Unit, swiftly moved in. It appears Mr. Pavel Durov's alleged transgression was not of the mundane financial variety, but rather a far more profound breach of international protocol: a persistent, unyielding refusal to publicly log his internal monologue.

Sources close to the newly formed thought-declaration authority suggest Durov had consistently neglected to submit his daily stream of consciousness, a critical step in ensuring "mental solvency" and preventing the proliferation of undeclared ideas. His staunch advocacy for digital privacy, it seems, extended a tad too far into the realm of personal cerebration. One can only imagine the sheer audacity required to operate a global communications platform while privately harbouring untold neural activity.

The arrest sends a clear message to all entrepreneurs and indeed, all citizens: in the glorious new era of total transparency, even the most fleeting of brainwaves must now be meticulously itemised for the collective good. One hopes his detention includes a mandatory thought-declaration workshop.