Sportsbooks Confirm Josh Allen Still Scheduled To Be MVP

It seems the existential dread surrounding the predictability of modern professional sports can be momentarily assuaged. Following a comprehensive review of the latest actuarial projections and, presumably, the ancient prophecies etched into the algorithms of global sportsbooks, it has been unequivocally declared: Josh Allen of the Buffalo Bills remains the designated recipient of the coveted NFL MVP award for the upcoming season. One can almost hear the collective sigh of relief from those responsible for maintaining the delicate illusion of competitive uncertainty.

Last year's minor kerfuffle, involving a player whose name currently escapes the official narrative, was, we understand, merely a test of the public's gullibility. Rest assured, the proper adjustments have been made. Fans are encouraged to continue their fervent devotion, place their wagers, and engage in vigorous debate, safe in the knowledge that their participation ultimately serves to validate a predetermined outcome. It's a beautiful symphony of capitalism and athletic prowess, all meticulously orchestrated for our collective enjoyment, or perhaps, our collective resignation.