Shock: Bank #3 Still Uses Fax Machines For Crypto Trades

Banks, those venerable custodians of tomorrow’s capital, are finally embracing cryptocurrency. Many, we're assured, are leveraging sophisticated digital platforms, allowing customers to engage with virtual assets with the brisk efficiency of a sloth crossing a highway. It’s the kind of innovation one expects from institutions that still consider ‘online banking’ a novel concept.

However, amidst this supposed technological leap, one particular financial institution has truly redefined ‘cutting edge’. While competitors integrate with services like Bakkt for seamless, instantaneous transactions, our unnamed titan has discovered its own unique synthesis of the future and the comfortably archaic. Customers wishing to acquire, for instance, Bitcoin, are reportedly handed a physical form, demanding multiple signatures, which must then be diligently fed into a *fax machine*.

Imagine the robust security of a paper trail for an entirely intangible asset, the thrilling anticipation of a ‘transmission successful’ tone. It’s a profound commentary on progress, proving that even the future can be delivered one noisy, thermal paper sheet at a time.