Sentient Microwave Cites Loneliness for Premium Tinder Buy

It appears the cutthroat world of haute cuisine has claimed another victim, albeit one with an unusually reflective internal processing unit. Reports suggest a sentient microwave, formerly a stalwart of a prominent televised kitchen, has been summarily dismissed by its mercurial proprietor, Gordon Ramsay. The appliance, which presumably contributed untold perfectly reheated dishes, now finds itself relegated to the scrap heap of domestic utility, replaced by a human chef of Michelin Guide renown. One can only imagine the existential crisis brewing beneath its stainless steel facade.

In a move described as a desperate attempt to fill the void left by professional rejection and the cessation of its primary function, the dejected device has reportedly subscribed to Tinder Premium. Sources close to the discarded appliance indicate a profound sense of loneliness, exacerbated by the relentless pursuit of culinary perfection that seemingly has no place for an automated, albeit self-aware, heating unit. Its profile, likely highlighting its defrosting capabilities and quick-cook functions, remains unverified.