SEC Confirms Best Investment Strategy Is Now 'Who's A Good Boy'

The financial world, it seems, has officially decided that rigorous analysis and fundamental valuation are rather quaint notions. With Dogecoin's formal introduction into the regulated investment landscape, what began as a digital nod to an internet meme is now apparently fit for your retirement portfolio. One can only imagine the arduous due diligence conducted by institutional investors, scrutinizing pixelated Shiba Inus for their long-term growth potential and, presumably, their capacity to fetch.

This bold move certainly sets a precedent. Soon, perhaps, the SEC will issue guidance on evaluating the comedic timing of a viral video or the inherent cuteness factor of a new social media trend, paving the way for the inevitable "cat GIF" or "unboxing video" ETFs. We're told this redefines an entire sector, suggesting that our collective fiscal future hinges not on productivity or innovation, but on which digital pet receives the most enthusiastic belly rubs from the masses. Truly, a golden age of finance.