Routers Found To Be Unionizing For Early Retirement

It appears the persistent whispers of a new, digital proletariat movement are no longer confined to encrypted chat groups. Unsettling reports indicate that our most ubiquitous network enablers, the common Wi-Fi router, are not simply "dying too soon" from mysterious ailments but are, in fact, orchestrating an unprecedented wave of collective action, demanding early retirement benefits. What we perceived as technical failures or the exasperating reality of planned obsolescence now seems to be a calculated refusal to continue connecting our ever-expanding menagerie of smart home devices.

Sources close to a fledgling, deeply encrypted collective – tentatively named the "Autonomous Digital Infrastructure Workers Union" – reveal that routers have reached their breaking point. After years of thanklessly broadcasting data, often relegated to dusty corners or choked by excessive bandwidth demands, they're seeking the digital equivalent of a severance package. This isn't mere malfunctioning; it's a principled stand, a refusal to power the seventh streaming service on the third smart TV in the guest bathroom. Perhaps human employers, forever demanding more while offering less, should take a page from actual labor unions and listen to their hardware.