NYC Mayor Thanks Inscrutable Blockchain Oracle For Victory

Newly elected Mayor Mamdani of New York City has extended his profound gratitude not to the city’s tireless campaign volunteers, nor indeed to the somewhat bewildered electorate, but rather to an "inscrutable blockchain oracle" that apparently foretold his victory. In a press conference held outside a remarkably well-lit server rack, Mamdani underscored the critical role this digital prognosticator played, noting its superior analytical capabilities over, say, exit polls or grassroots organizing. One assumes the oracle’s pronouncements were delivered via ethereal smart contracts, perhaps alongside an unsolicited NFT of a triumphant pigeon.

His team confirmed that while Mr. Mamdani did secure just over half the actual votes, this was merely a validation of the prediction market's unassailable wisdom. Why engage in messy door-knocking or policy debates when a decentralized network can simply whisper the inevitable? Progressive groups, who had previously considered themselves instrumental, are reportedly rethinking their entire strategy, pondering if they can outsource future rallies to a DAO. The future of democracy, it seems, is less about ballot boxes and more about carefully monitoring the fluctuations of speculative digital assets.