NFL Execs Announce MVP Likely To Be An Athletic Human Man

Following what can only be described as a truly Herculean effort in statistical prognostication, a consortium of National Football League executives has finally announced a breakthrough insight for the upcoming season. The suspense, frankly, was excruciating.

After sifting through countless data points, poring over advanced sports analytics, and perhaps even consulting a crystal ball, these esteemed custodians of the gridiron have concluded that the next Most Valuable Player will, in all likelihood, be an individual of the human male persuasion who demonstrates considerable athletic prowess.

Sources close to the painstaking deliberation process confirm rigorous discussions were held regarding potential non-human candidates, including highly motivated squirrels and a particularly agile Roomba. Ultimately, the consensus gravitated towards the bipedal, oxygen-breathing variety, thus averting a potential PR crisis.

This monumental discovery, reportedly costing several million dollars in executive salaries and bespoke retreats, is expected to revolutionize fan engagement. The league’s team owners are reportedly ecstatic, now confident their investments will continue to be represented by organisms capable of holding a football.