Mexico’s Digital Currency To Launch In 3 Years, On Floppy Disk

Mexico’s esteemed Banxico has triumphantly announced its commitment to the digital age, promising a national digital currency by 2024. This groundbreaking revelation, delivered with the gravitas one expects from a government tweet, is touted as a magnificent stride towards "financial inclusion." One can almost hear the collective sigh of relief from rural communities, who will undoubtedly appreciate the unprecedented opportunity to engage with high finance via their meticulously preserved, internet-free 1990s desktop computers.

Indeed, why concern ourselves with trivialities like widespread internet access or a stable electrical grid when the dazzling prospect of digital pesos beckons? The unbanked, we are informed, will no longer be excluded, provided they can locate an active USB port and possess the requisite technical acumen to navigate a system designed, ostensibly, for a populace already well-versed in digital transactions. Truly, nothing quite democratizes wealth like demanding a smartphone and Wi-Fi connection from those who struggle for basic utilities. It’s a bold vision, one that generously extends the promise of economic participation to everyone who doesn’t need it.