Mets Catcher's Forearm Contused By Its Own Existence

The Mets, in a move that suggests a deep, philosophical struggle with reality, have placed backup catcher Luis Torrens on the 10-day Injured List. His ailment? A right forearm contusion, apparently brought on by the very act of existing within such close proximity to a New York Mets uniform.

One must admire the sheer audacity of a limb deciding to rebel against its host in such a mundane, yet profoundly symbolic, fashion. It seems the institutional bad luck of the franchise has evolved, now manifesting as an internal anatomical uprising. This unprecedented self-harm event places Luis Torrens on the Injured List, ensuring maximum disruption just as the team’s primary backstop was declared fit for duty.

Team officials, reportedly baffled by the lack of an external impact, are now reviewing their training protocols to include psychological evaluations for elbows and carpal bones. The search for a new backup catcher begins, preferably one constructed from adamantium and immune to the crushing weight of metaphysical despair.