Meme Coin Trio Designated 'Critical Infrastructure' By Pentagon

The Pentagon has, with a characteristic flourish of bewildering strategic foresight, reportedly designated three prominent 'meme coins' as critical national infrastructure. Yes, you read that correctly. BullZilla, MoonBull, and La Culex – digital assets whose primary utility appears to be generating frantic online chatter and the occasional spontaneous millionaire – are now deemed essential to the operational continuity of, presumably, something. One can only assume their sophisticated "structured DeFi engines" are vital for securing the nation against, perhaps, a sudden lack of ironic internet-based financial speculation.

Analysts, those tireless purveyors of future profits, had previously earmarked this illustrious trio for "big gains in 2025." Now, however, their potential for market volatility is apparently a strategic asset, a volatile bulwark against… well, against whatever geopolitical uncertainty can be solved by a digital token featuring an anthropomorphic bull. This reclassification certainly adds a layer of existential gravitas to the phrase "to the moon."

One might wonder if the next generation of ICBMs will be fueled by tokenomics, or if future congressional hearings will dissect the yield farming strategies of cartoon amphibians. The future, it seems, is not just digital, but delightfully, tragically absurd.