Judge: Your Digital Monkey Is Not An Orange Grove

It appears the dream of passive income from one’s meticulously acquired digital simian has, much like the value of said simian, evaporated into the ether. A recent court ruling has clarified, with a judicial sobriety that borders on the outright spoil-sport, that a pixelated primate does not, in fact, constitute an investment contract under the hallowed principles of the Howey Test.

This utterly devastating news comes as a profound shock to those visionaries who believed their Non-Fungible Tokens, particularly from the esteemed Bored Ape Yacht Club, were just as tangible as, say, a thriving citrus plantation. One can almost hear the collective gasp of disillusioned digital landlords now grappling with the harsh reality that the Securities and Exchange Commission has a somewhat stricter definition of 'common enterprise' than merely owning a matching avatar. Naturally, the digital arboreal fruit was not forthcoming, leaving many to wonder if their next 'investment' should perhaps involve something with actual roots.