Japan's New Adult Male Royal Encased In Amber

The land of the rising sun recently celebrated a truly epoch-making event: the emergence of a new adult male in its storied imperial lineage. For the first time in an astonishing four decades, a male heir has successfully navigated the perilous journey from infancy to a fully-grown person, ready to potentially inherit the ancient Chrysanthemum Throne. National joy, however, is tempered by a distinct sense of panic, as Prince Hisahito might just be the last of his kind.

One can only imagine the pressure on this young man, now tasked with single-handedly propping up an entire institution. His every meal, every potential romantic entanglement, every slightly daring thought, will undoubtedly be scrutinized through the lens of continuity for Japan's Imperial House. While other nations grapple with climate change or economic downturns, Japan grapples with a far more pressing succession crisis: ensuring a steady supply of Y-chromosomes for an ancient bloodline. Perhaps a new national pastime will involve gently dusting the prince to preserve him for future generations.