Highest IQ Man Predicts Bitcoin Peak, Blames Mercury Retrograde

A distinguished individual, reportedly boasting an IQ score previously thought reserved for particularly astute fungi, has offered his uniquely enlightened perspective on the future of Bitcoin. His pronouncement? The digital asset will achieve an unprecedented value of $220,000 within a mere 45 days. This isn't merely a speculative forecast; it's a certainty, apparently rooted in a profound understanding of… well, *things*.

While lesser minds might concern themselves with mundane indicators like market capitalization, regulatory headwinds, or the inherent volatility of a largely unregulated asset class, our intellectual titan has pinpointed the true culprit for any previous underperformance: the recent unfortunate cosmic alignment of Mercury Retrograde. With this celestial inconvenience now abating, the path is clear for unprecedented gains, proving once again that financial sagacity is best derived from celestial mechanics rather than, say, balance sheets. Investors, naturally, are advised to liquidate all tangible assets immediately, lest they miss this intellectually rigorous, cosmically ordained opportunity.