Federal Reserve Considers Appointing Goldfish To Advisory Board

Reports emerging from Washington suggest the Federal Reserve is exploring innovative approaches to its advisory board appointments. Sources close to the institution, who asked not to be identified for fear of being replaced by a mollusk, indicate serious consideration is being given to a goldfish. This follows its surprisingly consistent performance in volatile cryptocurrency markets, where its random swims to either 'buy' or 'sell' buttons have allegedly outperformed a significant portion of human strategists.

While some purists might quibble over the aquatic candidate's lack of an MBA or, indeed, opposable thumbs, proponents argue its inherent lack of ego or emotional attachment to assets provides an invaluable detachment. Furthermore, its 'swim left for bullish, swim right for bearish' methodology offers a refreshingly transparent, if entirely arbitrary, approach to monetary policy forecasting. The move is seen by some as a bold step towards decentralizing financial wisdom, or perhaps merely an acknowledgement that current human-driven market predictions could hardly be less predictable. A small, tastefully appointed tank is reportedly being prepared.