Fan Anticipation Deemed Act Of Cyberterrorism By Isps

In a startling development that redefines the parameters of digital malevolence, leading Internet service providers have officially classified the recent server disruptions surrounding the launch of *Hollow Knight: Silksong* as an unprecedented act of "cyberterrorism." Apparently, the synchronized excitement of millions of eagerly awaiting consumers constituted a malicious, unprovoked assault on the very fabric of global commerce, specifically targeting digital storefronts like Steam.

Industry analysts, all presumably paid by the same ISPs, noted the "suspiciously high volume" of legitimate purchase attempts and download requests as key indicators of hostile intent. It appears the collective will to acquire a highly anticipated video game is, in fact, indistinguishable from a sophisticated distributed denial-of-service attack, only with more credit card numbers. Authorities are reportedly investigating whether a "pre-meditated hype campaign" might be considered a prosecutable offense, warning that future consumer enthusiasm could lead to lengthy jail sentences for excessive anticipation. The message is clear: please, consume responsibly, and never, *ever*, all at once.