Experts: Gunfire Now Safest Way To Express Rally Support

The traditional applause, the spirited cheer, even the nuanced fist pump – these antiquated expressions of political fervor are, it seems, no longer sufficient to convey one’s unwavering dedication. In a world fraught with misinterpretation and ambiguity, a new, definitive standard of rally enthusiasm is emerging: the enthusiastic discharge of a firearm.

Observers at discerning news outlets like MSNBC have astutely pondered whether such percussive affirmations, perhaps heard at an event featuring the likes of Charlie Kirk, are merely a spontaneous, if somewhat lead-propelled, form of celebration. It offers a clarity unmatched by mere vocalizations, leaving absolutely no doubt as to the depth of one's commitment. Truly, what better way to distinguish the dedicated from the dilettantes at modern political rallies than a declaration so bold it travels at supersonic speeds? One can only anticipate the forthcoming official guidelines on optimal celebratory calibres.