Experts Confirm Crypto Can Be Declared Dead Infinitely

It appears that the venerable practice of declaring cryptocurrency deceased has transcended mere tradition to become a foundational pillar of its very existence. Analysts, with the grim determination of Sisyphus rolling his boulder, periodically emerge to pronounce the digital economy's most volatile asset definitively expired. One might even suspect a competitive element, with various financial pundits vying for the most dramatic and ultimately incorrect eulogy. The market, in turn, seems to merely shrug off these obituaries, much like a particularly resilient houseplant that thrives exclusively on neglect and existential dread.

Indeed, the online necropolis of 99Bitcoins has diligently cataloged each purported demise, creating what is less a record of failure and more a bizarre hall of fame for a technology that simply refuses to stay buried. This persistent refusal to shuffle off its mortal coil, despite countless death certificates issued, suggests a unique evolutionary trait. Perhaps the true innovation of decentralized finance isn't peer-to-peer transactions, but rather its unparalleled ability to generate fresh capital purely from the psychological whiplash of repeated near-death experiences. One can only assume its next demise is already scheduled, eagerly anticipated by investors and critics alike.