Experts Confirm: Civilization's Decline Initiated By Messy Room

The grim tidings are in: our civilization’s much-discussed decline isn't due to crumbling institutions or a burgeoning empathy deficit, but rather a catastrophic failure to maintain a tidy living space. After extensive deliberation, experts have definitively traced the unraveling of human achievement, from the fall of empires to the current state of public discourse, back to the humble, unmade bed.

Apparently, the inherent "flaws" of the human condition manifest primarily as an inability to properly fold shirts or wipe down kitchen counters. This startling revelation suggests that all our grand societal woes, be they climate change or the rampant spread of misinformation, are but tertiary symptoms of an unorganized sock drawer. The path to "rebuilding society," therefore, demands not radical policy shifts or a renewed commitment to ethical governance, but rather a Herculean effort to simply put things away. Perhaps the greatest act of selfless love we can perform for our communities, and indeed the future of western civilization, is to finally clear that perpetually growing pile of mail. Our collective salvation hinges on it.