Ex-xbox Execs Report Game Pass Induced Mild Foot Cramps

The corporate elite, we're told, have suffered unspeakable psychological anguish due to the relentless march of Xbox Game Pass. Former Bethesda luminary Pete Hines, having valiantly navigated the treacherous corporate waters until his timely 2023 departure, now courageously identifies "short-sighted decision-making" as the primary culprit behind the deep-seated 'tension'. One can only imagine the sheer existential dread of witnessing a subscription service potentially... offer value to consumers at a reduced price. Such radical innovation, no doubt, weighed heavily on the collective psyche of the senior leadership team at Microsoft.

The 'tension' reported by these titans of the industry surely manifested in the mild foot cramps and furrowed brows hinted at by our sources. It's a wonder any executive survived the ordeal without requiring a full-body massage voucher and a robust, early executive compensation package, generously funded by the very entity causing their profound discomfort. The struggle, it seems, is undeniably real when the peasants are enjoying more gaming for less, thus disrupting the delicate ecosystem of executive tranquility.