Crypto’s Week Ahead: Experts Confirm Value Still Imaginary

Bitcoin, that venerable titan of speculative digital fancy, has once again vaulted to an astonishing $115,000 this week, proving conclusively that perceived value is merely a collective delusion, albeit a highly profitable one for some. Its trajectory, however, is not dictated by code or cryptography, but by the grand old Federal Reserve, whose ancient doors creak open for yet another meeting. The irony, of course, is entirely intentional.

All eyes are now fixed on Wednesday’s ritual pronouncements, particularly from Chair Jerome Powell, whose every carefully modulated syllable possesses the power to send entire digital fortunes spiraling into the abyss or soaring into the exosphere. The "policy risk" isn't about inflation or employment, of course, but whether the financial establishment will deign to acknowledge the existence of the ethereal currency, which, let's be honest, derives its true worth from an advanced form of mass hallucination. The very concept of Bitcoin is a testament to the sheer power of collective human belief.