Crypto Salaries Drop As Firms Realize Employees Are Not NFTs

The groundbreaking revelation that crypto firms' human capital, much like their office-issued beanbag chairs, does not appreciate exponentially with speculative fervor, has apparently sent shockwaves through the industry. Reports indicate a significant contraction in employee remuneration, a move some are calling a "return to sanity," others a "betrayal of the revolution," and most simply "how businesses usually operate." One can only imagine the boardroom epiphanies: "Wait, these aren't NFTs we're minting; they're people who expect consistent, non-volatile paychecks?"

This newfound dedication to "leaner operations" arrives, of course, as Bitcoin itself performs a majestic, gravity-defying surge. Evidently, the digital gold rush has less to do with sharing the spoils and more with, well, *spoils*. The shift towards "structured compensation" suggests a surprising maturity for an industry once defined by dog-themed meme coins and the vague promise of disrupting everything. Perhaps they're finally consulting with actual financial regulators, or at least a particularly jaded HR consultant from a traditional bank.